I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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