just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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