Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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