your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
