You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
