Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize