I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
