the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
