A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
