Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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