hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
