at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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