I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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