Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
