It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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