New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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