please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
