i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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