i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
