just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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