Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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