Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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