I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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