I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
