i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
