just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
