we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize