I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was confusing and full of hummus
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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