things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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