you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
