Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
