Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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