whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
