well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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