is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
