He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
