I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and she was petting her beer can
he quoted the bible to break up with me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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