You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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