If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
