Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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