he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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