she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
