Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
