Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
