Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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