Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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