yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
