This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
