They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
