I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
