I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
