Sponge bath it is.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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