I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
