On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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