Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
