i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
