what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
