I hate your face
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
