you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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