well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
