Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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