id be glad to
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
