I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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