I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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