This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
