I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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