I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
