The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
