I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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