i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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